MASH meets ER
by ERmashfreak
Summary: What happens when Hawkeye Pierce dreams of the future?


As Major Margeret Houlihan-Pierce and Captain Benjamin Franklin, _(better known as Hawkeye) _walk through Chicago's Cook County Hospital doors for conference with emergency room attending and the assisting attending, Hawkeye Pierce has a small flash back to the Korean War and the M*A*S*H 4077 unit that he left 48 long years ago. 

_"Hawkeye, get over here and look at this guy!" _shouted Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger as bombs were going off in the distance.

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"Oh wow. Okay. Hey corpsman get this man into pre-op and start him on whole blood right away!" yelled Hawkeye as the bombs exploding get closer.

_"Hawkeye, Captain Pierce, PIERCE!"_ shouted Margeret as ER attending Dr. Mark Greene and assistant ER attending Dr. John Carter started to explain what this conference was all about. 

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"Oh sorry. I get those flashbacks every once in awhile, you know PTSD." (Post-Traumatic-Stress Syndrome) said Hawkeye as he sticks his hand out for Dr. Greene and Dr. Carter to shake his hand.

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"Oh okay. What is it from?" asked Dr. Carter curiously.

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""Korean War. Major Houlihan and myself were stationed in a MASH unit three miles form the front." replied Hawkeye as he puts his hands in his pockets.

_"Oh wow. How many hours did you operate at a time?" _asked Dr. Greene as he moved aside so a patient on a gurney could pass.

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"Well, it would depend on how many wounded would come in, but most of the time we would operate for 15 or more hours at a time." replied Hawkeye as he stood straighter because he was proud.

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"Wow. anyway this conference thing. Um.... yeah... it looks like it's about to start. Let's get going okay?" said Carter.

Meanwhile, in the conference room....everyone was getting ready for the conference. The Chief of Emergency Medicine, Dr. David Morgenstern was waiting. Along with several other important people such as Col. Sherman T. Potter from the same Korean MASH unit as Major Houlihan and Captain Pierce, Corporal Walter "Radar" Eugene O'Reilly, Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger, Major Charles Emerson Winchester the third, and even Hawkeye's best friend, Captain BJ Hunnicutt were all waiting for their two MASH 4077th friends. 

Carol Hathaway, Doug Ross, and the twins were waiting too. Elizabeth Greene, the head surgeon, was waiting patiently with her squirming baby boy, Kevin for Dr. Greene to come through these doors.

Finally, Dr. Greene, Dr. Carter, Hawkeye and Margeret approached the conference door. On the inside of the door, everyone hushes and hides to surprise Hawkeye and Margeret, but Dr. Greene didn't know that Carol, Doug and the twins flew in from Washington State to Chicago for this little surprise party. 

_"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go in!" _exclaimed Hawkeye as he opened the conference room door.

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"SURPRISE!!!" shouted everyone in the room.

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"Wow! Oh my gosh! BJ! Margeret everyone from the 4077th is here! This is, wow, a very good surprise!" exclaimed Hawkeye as he stood in the doorway being surprised.

As Dr. Greene and Dr. Carter gently nudged Hawkeye to go into the conference room, Mark Greene saw Carol and his mouth dropped open when he saw Doug sitting next to her. 

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"Carol? Doug? Wow, I didn't know you were going to be here. How are you two? Kate and Tess have certainly grown a lot since I last saw them. Doug, wow, how are you buddy?" asked Mark as he picked up Tess or was it Kate?

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"Oh everything is great. We still aren't married though. We were waiting to see if we could work out some things out and we did." replied Carol as she picked up the other baby.

_"Well, that is good. Which one of the two princesses is this? Kate or Tess?" _asked Mark as he moves out of the way so Father Mulcahy could pass.

Doug chuckling replies, _"Kate is the one in the white floral dress and Tess is the one in the pink floral dress."_

_"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" _screamed Kate who was in Mark's arms.

_"Here Carol, take her. I gotta go start this conference." _said Mark as he handed over the screaming child.

_"Can I have everyone's attention? HEY YOU GUYS!!!"_ yelled Mark as the guests quieted down, _"Ok.... um.... I want to welcome you to this conference. We aren't really actually sure what this conference is about, but we'll know soon. I would like to introduce to you the people of a very important MASH unit in Korea three miles from the front. Col. Sherman T. Potter,( Potter stands up), Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, (Hawkeye stands up), Captain BJ Hunnicutt, (BJ stands up), Major Charles Emerson Winchester the Third,(Charles stands up), Corporal Walter Eugene "Radar" O'Reilly, (Radar stands up), Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger,(Klinger stands up), Father John Francis Patrick Mulcahy,(Father Mulcahy stands up), and Major Margeret "Hot Lips" Houlihan-Pierce,(Margeret stands up). Since none of them have seen each other in 48 years, I thought since Captain Pierce("Call me Hawkeye." replies Hawkeye) and Major Houlihan were coming to see Cook County General, we would have the rest of the 4077th come for a visit and wish Hawkeye and Margeret good luck on their new jobs. Hawkeye and Margeret are your new ER attendings. I have to resign because I was found incompetent and was fired sort of. I like to think of it as I resigned or I quit. My last day is Friday of this week. So, to end a good speech, good luck to Hawkeye and Margeret. Have a lot of fun doing this job, I know I had a lot of fun." _said Mark as he looked around the room and realized that this was his family. 

_"Well, thanks Dr. Greene. We'll do a great job." _replied Hawkeye. 

_"Hey Hawkeye where is the still? I'm surprised that you didn't bring any booze in a canteen."_ said BJ 

_"BJ, you should know better than that. Hawkeye never leaves the house without that crap!"_ replied Margeret as she nudged Hawkeye to get the canteens in the car.

_"Owwww Margeret. Okay. I'll be right back, everyone." _said Hawkeye as he opened the conference room door and stepped into the hallway.

_"HONEY!!! Oh well, he'll be back. I'll tell him that I am pregnant when he gets back." _said Margeret as she turned her attention back tot the party or conference.

Meanwhile , in the parking garage of the hospital: 

_"BJ will be surprised. I am so glad that everyone is here."_ thought Hawkeye as he crossed the road to the hospital's entrance.

As Hawkeye crosses the street to the hospital's entrance, a speeding car honks it's horn as it tries not to hit Hawkeye but hits him head on. Hawkeye is thrown up in the air and lands hard on his left side. The driver of the car stops for second or two and then speeds off before anyone can get a good look at him or his expire licensed plate.

_"Ahhhh. What happened? This really hurts." _said Hawkeye to him self as he got up and limped his way to the hospital's entrance with the canteens full of liquor in his right hand. 

Soon Hawkeye feels light headed and passes out ten feet from the doors to the ER.

Inside Hawkeye's head:

_"What the hell? Where am I?" _says Hawkeye to himself.

_"You are here. You are where ever you want to be."_ replies a deep voice from above.

"_Well, I want to with Margeret at the party and everyone." _replies Hawkeye as the deep voice materializes from blackness of space into a red fox.

_"Well, let's take a peak at what is happening now and what your body is going through, would you like to see now?" _asked the fox as the two of them begin vaporize and end up a couple of feet away from Hawkeye's bloody body. 

_"Well, I guess I don't really have a choice now do I?" _Hawkeye says sarcastically. 

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"HEY! HEY! SOMEBODY HELP!!" screamed a blond nurse.

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"Let's get him in to a trauma room now! PAGE DR. GREENE!!!" shouted an orderly.

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"BEEP, BEEP, BEEP." beeped Mark's beeper.

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"Shit! Carter, let's go, Hey, Margeret why don't you come with us? Carol, you can come too, Do you still remember where everything is?" asked Mark

_"Yeah, I'll come with you." _replies Carol as she hops off of the counter and follows Mark, Carter and Margeret out the conference down and down the stairwell.

After Greene and everyone got to the trauma room, Margeret takes one look at who is on the gurney and screams, _"Hawkeye, OH GOD! COME ON HAWKEYE! HAWKEYE LISTEN TO ME, DAMN IT! YOU'LL GET THROUGH THIS!!!"_

"Okay, let's do this. On my count, one, two, three. Carol page Benton. Get a portable x-ray in here." ordered Greene as he listens to Hawkeye's bruised chest.

_"Margeret please don't cry. I love you, Margeret!" _Hawkeye said as he walks over to Margeret and tries to hug her.

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"Uhhhh, Hawkeye? Margeret can't see you. Your a ghost or spirit or whatever you want to call it. You are spiritually detached form you body." replies the fox.

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"Oh great, that is just great! I am a spirit and my wife is crying uncontrollably and there is nothing I can do. Are you telling me that I am a spirit, so technically I am dead? Is that what your trying to tell me? Answer me before I kick you into the next area code!" shouted Hawkeye as he picked up the fox and started to shake him.

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"Alllllrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiggggggghhhhhhhhhhhttttttttt, alllllllllllllllllrrrrrrrrreeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddddy. Quuuuuuuuiiiiiitttttt shshaaaaaakkkkkking meme!" yelled the fox as he tried not to spew.

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"Sorry, I am just mad. I don't like to see Margeret cry. It tears me up inside every time I see her cry. Now, what do I do to get out of here and into my body?" asked Hawkeye as he put the fox down.

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"You don't have to do anything, except answer this question. Taking a look at what your body looks like, and everyone's reaction about you, do you really want to go back to your body? I know it is a silly question to ask but as one of the many "ANGEL FOXES" I have to ask. Do you?" asked the red fox.

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"Yes, I do. Why wouldn't I? I am surrounded by the people who love me and I don't know what I would do without Margeret. I love my wife and we haven't had any kids yet. Of course I want to. I have so much of my life left." replied Hawkeye.

Meanwhile, back in the conference room, the party was getting into full swing, but no one knew about Hawkeye. 

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"What's up with Hawkeye? Where is he? I am now worried about him." said BJ to Father Mulcahy.

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"Well, I am sure that he is fine, but something is telling me that he isn't but I am sure he is fine BJ. He'll be back as soon as he can." replied Father Mulcahy.

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"I am going to go look for him now." said BJ as he looked out the window.

_"Okay BJ, but be careful." _replied Father Mulcahy.

BJ walked out of the conference room and waited for the elevator doors to open. He was worried about Hawkeye. BJ had this terrible feeling that something happened to Hawkeye and he knew it wasn't good, but he couldn't figure it out what it was.

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"DING!" went the elevator.

The doors opened and BJ stepped into the elevator and after a few seconds the doors shut.

When the elevator reached the first floor, BJ stepped out to see a busy trauma room, where Greene, Carter, Margeret, and Carol were working furiously. Margeret was crying as she worked and when BJ saw the dried tear stains on her face, he knew it was Hawkeye on the gurney.

_"OH GOD! What happened? Hawk? OH CRAP!!! What now?" _asked BJ as he ran into the trauma room. 

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"You're BJ right? asked Greene as he taped down Hawkeye's et tube.

_"Yeah I am, why?" _asked BJ curiously.

_"I need you to get Margeret out of here now, please." _replied Greene as he looked over Hawkeye's chart. 

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"Okay, yeah sure. Come on Margeret. Let's go tell the others upstairs." said BJ as he pulled Margeret from Hawkeye's bedside.

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"BEEP, BEEP, BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" beeped the heart monitor attached to Hawkeye's bruised chest.

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"Oh no... Crap.. Hawkeye has decided to go south on us. Come on Hawkeye. You're not leaving us yet!" exclaimed Greene as he began CPR on Hawkeye as Margeret and BJ left the trauma room.

_"We have rhythm!" _shouted Carol as she stared at the rhythm that decided to show up after thirty minutes of CPR.

Meanwhile, upstairs in the conference room, everyone gasped as BJ told the group the news about Hawkeye.

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"OH GOD! I didn't mean it like that. I will pray for Hawkeye now." said Father Mulcahy.

Back in the Trauma room, Hawkeye was doing well, but was not out of the woods yet but he was still unconscious but Dr. Greene couldn't figure out why.

BACK IN HAWKEYE'S HEAD:

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"Well, your wish is my command and you are no fun anyway. Back ya go. Have fun finishing your life." said the fox as he disappeared into the blackness of space.

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"Oh okay, well bye to you too.... Whaaaaaaaa?? What the hell?" screamed Hawkeye as he fell back into the body lying on the gurney and woke up back into the living, conscious life.

_"MARK!!! Look who's up!!!" _exclaimed Carol as she ran into the hallway to get Mark.

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"So you have decided to return to the living. Well, we are glad to have back. I'll take that tube out of your mouth, if you're ready?(Hawkeye nods) _Okay, on the count of three I want you to take a deep breath and blow as hard as you can., okay? ONE. TWO. THREE." _said Dr. Greene as he pulled the tube out of Hawkeye's mouth. 

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"What happened?" whispered Hawkeye as he looked around the room.

_"We aren't really sure, but you're going to be fine. We think you were hit by a car and limped your way to the entrance of the ER and passed out about ten feet from the doors. Do you remember anything?" _replied Dr. Greene as he looked over Hawkeye's chart. 

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"Not really. Where is Margeret and where is my canteens full of lighter fluid from my still?" asked a worried Hawkeye.

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"BJ took Margeret back up to the conference room. Your canteens are right over there on the counter. Do you want me to get Margeret down here for you?" Replied Dr. Greene as he walked over to the canteens on the counter and gave them to Hawkeye.

Dr. Greene asked Carol to go get Margeret upstairs and bring her downstairs, but there was one small problem Carol noticed as she glanced around the conference room. Margeret had fainted and was lying on the ground.

_"Margeret. Margeret? Come on back to the conscious. I wonder what would happen if I called you Maggie?_" asked BJ as he knelt besides Margeret and checked her pulse. 

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"This is what would happen! Don't you ever call me Maggie again!!!" shouted Margeret as she slapped BJ's face.

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"Thought that might work." said BJ as he rubbed his face where Margeret had slapped him.

_"Margeret, Hawkeye's awake and he wants to see you." _said Carol as she helped Margeret up off the floor. 

_"Oh thank god." _said Margeret as she walked out of the conference room with Carol and everyone in tow.

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"I already did that, Margeret." said Father Mulcahy as he helped Doug carry both of the girls to the elevator.

_"Thanks, Father." _replied Doug as he stepped on to the elevator.

Meanwhile, back in the trauma room, Mark was looking over Hawkeye's chart when Margeret came over through the door. 

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"Hawkeye! I have a surprise for you! We're going to be parents! I'm pregnant! Isn't that wonderful?!?!?!" exclaimed Margeret as she hugged Hawkeye

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"Really?!?!?! Oh wow! I'm gonna be a Daddy! Margeret don't shake up the baby more than it has to be. BJ did you hear? I'm gonna be a Daddy!" exclaimed Hawkeye as his smile widened almost to his ears.

_"Congratulations!" _replied BJ as he came over to the bed. 

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"Wow! Hey Dr. Greene, when do I get to go home?" asked Hawkeye as he sat up on his bed.

"_Well, you could probably go home after a couple of days. Your left side of your body was hit directly by the car. A couple of your ribs are broken and you left leg is broken also. The good news is that your organs on your left side weren't hurt at all. Which is kind of bizarre because you were hit on your left side. So, I am going to call orthopedics again and see what is taking them so long and we will see what the heck is taking them so long, Okay? You just sit tight and if you're really good, I might be able to spring you in a couple of hours, but that is just between us two, okay?"_ replied Dr. Greene as he looked at Hawkeye's chart one last time before he left the room.

_"Hey, BJ, Margeret where is everyone?" _asked Hawkeye as he looked around the room.

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"ONE, TWO, THREE!!! SURPRISE AGAIN!!!" shouted everyone as they popped out form their hiding spots.

_"Not again! Thanks for the surprise, but please don't ask me to go out to the car again!" _exclaimed Hawkeye as he started to laugh with the rest of his friends.

_"I'm sorry Hawkeye. Hell, if I knew you this was going to happen, I would of gone to your car myself." _said BJ sincerely.

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"BJ it's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself for this. Look, I have been chased by a CIA guy( Crazy In the Army) I've been through a war for god's sake, I've been in and out of a mental hospital so many times I've lost all notice of being there. I've had how many run ins with death? and I have been hit by a car, what else could possibly happen in my life? Probably a lot more, but you know what? I'm ready for it! Don't blame your self for this! It is not your fault!" shouted Hawkeye.

_"Okay. I try not to. I still think it is partially my fault, if that is okay with you?" _replied BJ jokingly.

_"Actually, no it is not ok with me, but that won't stop you will it?"_ asked Hawkeye as he looked at BJ and tried not to crack a smile.

After a couple of seconds, Hawkeye bursts out laughing and BJ and Margeret join him.

_"Well Hawkeye, I hope you feel better, but it is time for me to hit the dusty trail back to the hotel, because visiting hours are over." _said Col. Potter as he raised his hand to shake Hawkeye's hand.

_"Okay, thank you so much for coming Sherman. It means a lot to me for all of you to come here just for me and Margeret. Good-night Sherm. Abyssinia." _replied Hawkeye as he shook Col. Potter's hand. 

Soon everyone had come and said good-bye and left. It was only Hawkeye, Margeret and BJ in Curtain Area 3, Dr. Greene moved Hawkeye to Curtain Area 3 because a gun-shot wound victim had come in unannounced. 

_"Well, Hawkeye, I have to go now, but I will be back here in the morning, alright? Please stay out of trouble, alright?" _said BJ

_"Ok Beej. I'm kinda tired too. Drive carefully alright? And one more thing.....IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!! You're going to have to forgive yourself because it wasn't your fault!!!"_ replied Hawkeye as he hugged BJ.

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"Well, it is just you and me." said Margeret with a mischievous grin.

Well, those two did what they weren't suppose to do in a hospital. Meanwhile, back at the hotel, everyone from the 4077th was meeting to discuss Hawkeye's surprise party for when he went back to his house on WEST 51st STREET. 

_"Someone is going to find out when Hawkeye is going home? Unless someone knows already? _(Everyone shakes their heads no, because no one knows when Hawkeye will come home) _NO ONE KNOWS?!?!?! Okay, I'll find out from Margeret, hold on and let me call her on her cell phone."_ said BJ as he dialed Margeret's cell number. 

_"Hello?" _said Margeret squeakily.

_"Margeret, it's BJ. Do you know when Hawkeye's coming home? You don't. Could you ask Dr. Greene really quick? Great._ ( A few minutes pass) _Tomorrow? Great! Oh yeah, Margeret, can I borrow a key to your house because we're planning a surprise party for Hawkeye again. I'll get it tomorrow first thing. Ok. great. Bye Margeret."_ said BJ as his smile grew even wider.

_"So when is he coming home? I didn't hear you because everyone was talking!" _exclaimed Klinger as he ruffled his Lady Godiva outfit.

_"Klinger, you're not in the army anymore. Why do you still dress like a women?"_ asked BJ as he looked at the cotton slowly falling off Klinger's lap.

_"I still dress like a women because I get this horrible rash if I wear men's clothes... I know it is psychological."_ replied Klinger.

_"Um....... Klinger, your cotton is falling off......."_ said Radar, _"Oh geez,, Klinger it's falling,..... OH GEEZ!"_

"Thank you Radar. I will pull it up now." replied Klinger 

_"Okay, back to the point. Hawkeye will be back home tomorrow. So, we have to get their house ready tomorrow. Who wants to go get the stuff now or tomorrow?" _asked BJ as he writes some things down on a sheet of paper to get at the store.

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"Let's do this tomorrow. We're probably really tired. We'll be able to get more done tomorrow. Am I right?" replied Col. Potter

in his southern drawl.

After a few minutes of side conversations the group breaks up and goes to their separate rooms with a chorus of good-nights and good-byes.

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Meanwhile back at the hospital, Hawkeye is sleeping and Margeret is sleeping next to him. Dr. Greene walks in and carefully wakes Margeret up.

"Margeret, I have to tell you something. Hawkeye is stable at the moment, but could die at any moment. I'm not sure how to explain it to you, so I won't because there is no medical explanation for this. But I will tell you this, if Hawkeye has one more stroke or heart attack he could very easily die. I'm sorry" said Dr. Greene sincerely.

"Oh my gosh. I never thought something like this would happen." replied Margeret.

"I know, just spend as much time with Hawkeye as you can. I have to leave now, but Dr. Carter will discharge you soon, okay?" said Dr. Greene as he stares into Margeret's blue sparkly eyes.

"Wait, Dr. Greene. I want to give you something." replied Margeret she walked over to Mark.

"What?" asked Mark.

"This." replied Margeret as she kissed Mark passionately on his soft pink lips.

"Margeret, I, You, I, I can't do this. I'm married and so are you. We cant' do this. Not now, not ever." said Mark as he gently pushed Margeret away.

"That isn't what I meant!!!" whispered Margeret sternly.

***TO BE CONTINUES IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF*** 

** M*A*S*H MEETS E.R.! **


End file.
